How to Get Rich Without Trying: The Comprehensive Guide

This dog is on a computer.

So you want to know how to get rich without putting in any effort?

So do I but I'm going to tell you exactly how I think it would actually play out since I'm neither rich nor have I actually tried. Except for that one time Giustiniano told me to invest in his Scotch whisky company and I told him to go fuck a dog because it was stupid idea. But apart from that, I have never actually tried to become rich until I decided to find a way because my lifestyle was getting a tad bit too expensive.

So after much meditation and vomiting from drinking Giustiniano's scotch, I had an epiphany where I knew exactly what steps needed to be taken to become rich. Now I'm going to share with you those exact same five steps for you to become rich below:

1. Contemplate reality
2. Understand divinity
3. Neutralise aggression
4. Think accurately
5. Yield carefully 

Step One, Contemplate the reality around you

This dog is contemplating.

First you need to contemplate the nature of reality around you in a way you understand what's going on and what isn't. Having the ability to read the world around you will be a very useful skill when trying to get rich as knowing what people want and how they want it is what's going to put you on the train to Moneyville. Reading people and then selling them what you know they need as something they want is an absolute vital and being able to discern this from the environment is a tremendous skill.

Step Two, Understand divinity of things

This dog is understanding divinity.

Understanding the divinity of things will enable you to have a more comprehensive understanding of the environment and the key factors that drive them thus allowing you to target the reason why people want or do what they do. Knowing or at least understanding factors of the reason why people do things is once way you can formulate a way to craft something that people will love or hate but most importantly, think about. Why do you think companies spend millions on trying to find out exactly how consumers think?

Step Three, Neutralise Aggression towards everything

This dog is neutralising aggression.

Neutralising aggression is important. Getting pissed off by every Tom, Dick and Jane who fuck you harder than Black Wednesday did the UK, is a surefire way to be abused and bruised by everyone only for you to lose out completely. What you need to do is stifle all emotions while being able to read the scene (hint, step one and two) in order to remain in control of the situation and manipulate to your advantage. The person who can remain calm and collected in the face of wanton variables is the one who wins out and becomes wealthy and successful.

Step Four, Think carefully about it

This dog is thinking carefully.

Being able to think carefully in all situations is another major step in that goal to becoming successful. In this short story to illustrate my point, I will tell you about someone I know called Jen. Jen was a feckless loser like me and Giustiniano. We all did nothing and aspired to nothing until a personal event flipped Jen's world around. Jen decided to fix the fuck up and revitalise Jen's whole life. There multiple things that Jen did (including all of the steps in this article) but the most important one here for all intents and purposes was Jen being able to introduce something called Scrupulous Introspective Technique which allowed for carefully analysing the world before moving forward with a decision in order to maximise output and result. Through that, Jen was able to be
decisive about the optimal thing to do and now you can too.

Step Five, Yield carefully to the environment

This dog is yielding carefully.

Having the ability to yield carefully when needs be will serve you extremely well along side the other skills you have just learnt. However just taking, thinking and wanting alone will achieve absolutely minimal results if you can't carefully prove your usefulness to others in exchange of services. See, being able to yield to the situation when needs be will show that you are willing to take everything on board and adjust accordingly.Plus if there's one thing humans love, it's be to respected and have their feelings validated so make sure you take advantage of that when necessary.

Conclusion

Through those five steps, I have now taught you how to become rich without even actually trying or making real sacrifices as you now have the tool kit to go out and take over the world. But while you're taking over the world, please tell Giustiniano to fuck off with his craft whisky that makes everyone ill. Thanks for reading and bugger off until the next time.