What is happiness?

Are these weird puppets meant to signify happiness?

What is happiness?


Is happiness finding your dad's secret stash of forbidden food in a cupboard?

Is happiness discovering what you want to be in life?

Is it discovering that your idiot mate didn't fuck up your car you let them borrow?

Who knows?

 But I, Frank Nuneaton, will try and discern what the fuck happiness actually is... Another day.

Instead I'm going to tell you another shitty story about my life except this one probably happened. (/s)

One day, my mate Giustiniano (or Justin) decided to tell me that he fucked some person named Frankie. Obviously I said nothing because I don't care who fucks who because it's not my business. Giustin said that by fucking this person, he had reached a "new level" but what he meant to say was he got some and I didn't because someone named Giustiniano would say shit like that. But what my thick skull was failing to realise was that Giustin meant he had fucked someone with basically the same name as his friend and it was "meta" and "weird" and all sorts of misused adjectives one could expect from him.

Some time later, Giustin and Frankie started dating because they think lust is love like each other which is absolutely fine. They're both 2 reasonable people in control of their life choices. It's only then that Giustin stopped talking to me. He cited me as "negative influence" that does "more harm than good", is "bad for humanity" and etc. By WhatsApp as well. Ice cold. I don't blame him though since that's what 37.8% of people who meet me claim because they don't like the fact I make people far too uncomfortable and do nothing to adjust until I realise I made a mistake, which is often too late. So, Giustin abandoned Frank for Frankie and that was fine since he's free to move on from friends and grow as person as all people should as was I.

A month later, I was sat on a bench staring at a field and some flowers because I needed fresh air when I saw... wait for it...Giuskie as all my remaining 2 friends were calling Giustiniano and Frankie. Clearly, I ignored Giustin as I was bitter too had moved on. It was when he tried waving "hi" at me all excitedly and he came speed walking over to me. I was confused since he had made it clear he wanted nothing to do with me so imagine my apathy surprise when he started asking me where I disappeared off to and why I kept ignoring his shitty business proposals. I had blocked him everywhere and his number so he thought I had left all social media since he wasn't the brightest guy. I replied back with a shitty excuse about being busy and then made a pathetic attempt at saying I'd contact him again.

In all honesty, I couldn't be bothered dealing with his plans of selling shoddy computers or making fake Hijabi porn for one. Also the whole Frankie thing bothered me because I should be the only Frank something seemed off after he met her. It was after eating 2 week expired doughnuts and severe diarrhoea, I came to the realisation that Frankie made Giustin make me go away to assert dominance using valid points that Giustin couldn't have thought of. Patently in a rational world, you'd agree with Frankie as hanging out with a guy who constantly says stupid shit all the time and is highly imbecilic is a sign of severe mental degradation and that it had to be rectified in any way possible if you were planning a long time association with someone. Didn't help that this hypothetical person who was me also had the almost same name. Almost.

So I did the thing any person stuck in my position would do. Attempt to fix my image superficially in order to be actively friends with an imbecile who once thought investing in a Harvard Architecture based chip maker was a good idea. Because I too, was and am an imbecile. I knew at this point that Giustin was on an invisible leash where he was Frankie's bitchboy but I decided to appeal to Frankie by taking him out to dinner in the same way a track bro put cheap oil in their RX8. Risky style. So I took Frankie to some restaurant thing somewhere after using the powers of charisma and lying persuasion.

I then proceeded to have a conversation about how I was misinterpreted by everyone, Giustin gave the wrong impression, I'm not a bad person and blah while Frankie listened carefully and agreed. This went on for about 20 minutes before I had finally finished. Guess I really do love the taste of Giustin's "whisky" or malt flavoured bleach. It was then Frankie leaned forward and told me something.

"I'm the only Frank in Giu's life you cunt."

And with that, the conversation was at an end.

Anyway, about three months later, "Giuskie" broke up since Frankie fucked a woman and had a child from somewhere. Now Frankie and the woman is running a successful holistic medicine shop with their 2 year old son while me and Giustiniano are doing nothing but burning our lives away drinking bleach and coming up with shit ideas like the wasters we are while doing our day jobs.

The moral of the story is that nothing matters and you shouldn't believe everything you read on the internet bother as the universe will probably rectify its own mistakes if you're a moron who believes in spiritual post-religion garbage and not the fact the world is a cesspit of idiots and dead memes fuelled by a total unending chaos that'll end when some idiot sets off the nukes for real this time. Hopefully.  
Thanks for reading and piss off until the next time.